“Look at that smile; no autism here.” I can still feel the wave of relief that washed over me when our pediatrician said those words. She was responding to Brantley’s wide, contagious smile—his bright blue eyes shining as he watched her walk into the room. He was only 4 months old, and in that moment, I believed everything was perfectly fine.
It’s strange to think about it now, especially knowing that just two months later, I sat in that same office questioning if Brantley could have autism. That fleeting relief had been replaced by something deeper—something I couldn’t quite shake. That gut-wrenching feeling was there, whispering that something wasn’t right, that the skills he was losing weren’t typical.
We were told his delays were because he couldn’t hear, that he would catch up once he had ear tubes—but that didn’t happen, and the regressions just kept coming.
At Brantley’s 1-year well check, the same pediatrician finally agreed it was time to pursue an autism diagnosis.
One month later, I sat in the Autism Clinic at our hospital, waiting for answers I already knew—answers I had known for months. As the psychologists shared their initial impressions of Brantley, they all said the same thing: “When we first walked into the room, we were greeted by his smile and thought, ‘This mom is crazy, this child doesn’t have autism.’”
But that smile quickly faded. The doctors went on to explain that after those first moments, Brantley didn’t make eye contact or engage with them at all. He retreated to his own world. With that, they confirmed what I had already known: Brantley was on the Autism Spectrum.
Looking back now, I realize that Brantley’s smile—the one that threw off so many doctors—wasn’t an indication of what he wasn’t, but a reflection of who he is. That smile is a part of him, just like autism is. It’s not an either/or—it’s both.
Autism doesn’t look one specific way. It never did, and it never will. Brantley didn’t fit the typical mold of what people expected of someone on the spectrum then, and in many ways, he still doesn’t. But as the saying goes, if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism—and Brantley, who is uniquely himself, is living proof of that. #autismfamily #autismparents #specialneedsparenting #specialneedsmom
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