As parents, we often envision our children's birthdays as happy occasions filled with laughter, friends, and the making of cherished memories. But what happens when your child doesn't have anyone to invite to their birthday party? What happens when their world is marked by solitude and isolation due to their disabilities?
It's a reality many parents of disabled children face, including myself. My son, Brantley, has profound Autism, making social interactions downright challenging.
Each year as his birthday approaches, I'm confronted with how to celebrate him. Big parties have never been his thing, as he would retreat to the comfort of his room until everyone left.
But in 1 week, Brantley turns 9, and something feels different this year. He's starting to engage more, and when people come over, he doesn't immediately disappear to his room.
Could he actually want a party?
I've tried asking him, but each time, he frantically hits every button on his AAC device, leaving me in the dark about his true wishes.
While I keep debating a party, I also can't deny the harsh truth: there are no friends to invite to share in the celebration.
He has a few classmates, but it's clear that my son marches to the beat of his own drum, even among his classmates who also have Autism. In photos, you'll often see a handful of boys playing together while any photos of Brantley are of him by himself, lost in his own thoughts. Each picture reminds me of a party we attended years ago, where a slideshow displayed pictures of the class activities throughout the year. Every time Brantley's picture appeared, a peer loudly expressed their dislike for my sweet boy.
You see, while Brantley isn't keen on interacting with his peers, he sure does have an appetite for their snacks. Unfortunately, his classmates usually aren't too keen on having their food swiped by my wild, impulsive, always hungry little boy, which has impacted his peers' attitudes toward Brantley.
The absence of invitations to send out is a stark reminder of the isolation that often accompanies a disability. It's not just about the lack of RSVPs; it's about the longing for connection, for companionship, for Brantley to experience the simple joys of childhood friendships that many take for granted.
As I scroll through social media feeds filled with pictures of birthday parties and smiling faces, I can't help but feel a pang of sadness. It's not jealousy or resentment towards other parents; it's the realization that Brantley’s reality is different, and that's okay.
Over the years, I've learned to navigate the complexities of celebrating a birthday when there are no friends to invite. Instead of focusing on what Brantley doesn't have, I focus on creating meaningful and inclusive celebrations tailored to his unique needs and interests.
We’ve celebrated the last several birthdays with quiet family gatherings and a smash cake. This year, it will be a small cookout with family and maybe a few family friends, followed by a day of riding side by sides, because that is what brings Brantley the most joy.
There may not be peers to sing "Happy Birthday" or beat on a piñata, but that is okay. We will all march to the beat of his drum, to make him feel special, cherished, loved, and valued, because he is. #autismfamily #autismlife #disability
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