This month has been the best month that Brantley has had in years. I am ecstatic about his successes and have enjoyed watching him accomplish some big things. I have relished in the fact that he ate in a restaurant for the first time in years and I couldn’t be prouder of him for carving a pumpkin for the first time in his life.
Without the hardships of raising a child with special needs, I would likely not think about these items as joyous occasions. But, when your child has to work twice as hard to get half as far, you learn to celebrate each milestone and victory. That has always been the part of our special needs parenting journey that I have been grateful for.
Unfortunately, the flip side to having an appreciation for each milestone and victory is living on edge, waiting for what’s next. I appreciate each step up because I know what the lows are like.
I wish we could say that our celebration of the highs clears away the deep rooted suspense and angst for the lows, but they never truly leave.
While I am currently celebrating all of Brantley’s victories, part of me is living in fear. Maybe that is just life raising a child with severe developmental disabilities or maybe it is anticipatory grief. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that despite my gratefulness for Brantley and the blessings he brings, the worry of what’s next is always there. Through all the ups and downs, the same question remains in my mind: how does a special needs parent stay in the present during the good times?
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